Getting Through the Holidays

The holidays are the hardest time of year for me. When people talk about the holiday season, they usually mean the cluster of holidays that stretch from Thanksgiving through New Year’s, but for me, it’s truly all holidays. Halloween marks the beginning of a difficult stretch—two months of holding my breath, just trying to make it through. Then comes Valentine’s Day, a day I used to celebrate the love I had for not just my husband, but my daughters as well. After that, Easter rolls around, often close to my own birthday, and it brings memories of our last Easter together, when we were able to celebrate with so much of our family scattered across different places. The Fourth of July used to be a time for us to show our American pride and just be silly, best friends with my daughter. Even the three-day weekends are tough, as I was a mom who always seized every opportunity to explore and take family adventures.

It feels like holidays are just around every corner, and I’ve had to face them, year after year.

With all that said, I’ve had to find new ways to cope. Over time, I’ve figured out some strategies that have helped me get through these tough moments. I know that everyone grieves and heals in their own way, but perhaps these ideas might offer some comfort if you're struggling, too. Most importantly, remember to give yourself grace through the storm and allow the “rainbow” moments—those small glimpses of joy or peace—to come when they do. You don't have to have it all figured out, but you're not alone in this journey.

Social:

• Will I regret missing the event? If the answer is no, then I don't go! It's perfectly fine to skip out on things. Not every event needs to be attended.

• Do the people at the gathering support how I might feel or act? If the answer is yes, then I’ll give it a try. I’m more likely to attend if I feel like the environment will be understanding and supportive.

• Have a backup plan! The past few years, it’s been difficult for me to leave the house for events. So now, I always have a backup plan in place. For instance, if it's a girls' night out, my husband is on standby to pick me up or Uber me home at any given moment.

Emotional:

• Will there be triggers that make me uncomfortable? With Taylor being part of my life, there are triggers everywhere, so avoiding them can be tough. I give myself grace. If I need a moment, I’ll step away to collect myself, or maybe even grab a glass of wine (but definitely not the whole bottle—haha!).

• Don’t stress about others! This is easier said than done for me. I tend to think about everyone else before myself, but I’ve surrounded myself with real, down-to-earth friends and family who can check me when I need it and remind me to take care of me.

Sleep:

• Sleep is a must! If I don’t get enough rest—or if the sleep I get isn’t good quality—I know it makes me way more emotional. I have to be honest with myself about it. On those days, I’ll say no to events or outings and just choose a quiet night at home, watching a movie with my family. No pressure to talk, just giving my brain the break it needs to reset.

Reminder:

• We notice our own actions and emotions way more than anyone else does! It’s so easy to get caught up in worrying about what others think, but the truth is, people are usually focused on themselves more than on us. So, be selfish when it comes to your well-being. Do what’s best for you and your mental health. No guilt in making choices that prioritize your peace and happiness!

As I share these coping strategies with you, I want to remind you that there’s no right or wrong way to navigate grief or the challenges of the holidays. What works for one person may not work for another, and that’s okay. It’s all about finding what helps you keep moving forward, even if it’s just a little at a time. Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes, knowing that healing is a process—and sometimes, that process means accepting the difficult days as part of the journey.

The holidays will always be a bittersweet reminder of what I’ve lost, but I’ve learned that in the midst of the pain, there can still be moments of beauty and hope. I’ve come to understand that it’s okay to embrace the grief while also allowing myself to experience the love and the small joys that life still has to offer.

If you’re facing similar struggles, remember you don’t have to walk this path alone. Take it one step at a time, and when you’re ready, reach out for support. Healing, even in its smallest forms, is still healing. Keep faith, be gentle with yourself, and know that there is light—however faint—that will eventually shine through.