How I Survived: What’s Gotten Me Through

Let me start by saying, I’m still in the process of surviving. There are moments—gut-wrenching, unbearable moments—when I question if it's worth facing another day. The weight of grief feels like too much to carry, and sometimes giving up seems easier. But here I am, still holding on, over three years later. Time hasn’t healed me, but it has given me tools to cope with the grief and my mental health struggles as a mother who’s lost a child. Here’s what has helped me survive.

1. My Rock – My Husband

Having the right person by my side has been crucial. My husband has been my steady rock through this journey, always there to fight with me when I couldn’t fight for myself. He’s listened when I cried, even when it meant stepping away from his own obligations. His presence, not typically his words, has kept me grounded. He’s shown me the true meaning of support, and I wouldn’t have survived without him.

2. My Daughters – Anchors in the Storm

My daughters—both on earth and in heaven—are the anchors that keep me going. While losing my oldest daughter has been an overwhelming grief, my living children remind me that joy still exists in my life. They are my reason to keep moving forward. If I hadn’t had the right people in my life, I don’t know how I would have navigated this journey. Their love and presence help me hold onto the light, even in my darkest moments.

3. Extended Family – Showing Up When It Mattered Most

Even though I don’t have close relationships with much of my extended family, they showed up when I needed them most. Their presence, whether near or far, reminded me that family—no matter the distance—can provide comfort and solidarity when it matters.

4. My Circle of Friends – Unwavering Support

Grief can isolate, but my friends have been there when I needed them most. Despite my withdrawal, late-night calls, and cancelled plans, they’ve shown up. Whether it's a friend who got into bed with me when I couldn’t get up, or others who simply checked in, their presence has kept me connected. These friendships, each unique, remind me that I’m not alone, even when I feel invisible.

5.Supportive Employers – Space to Heal

I’ve been lucky that both my husband and I have had supportive employers who allowed us the time and flexibility we needed to grieve and heal. Without their understanding, the weight of balancing work and grief would have been unbearable. This support has been a vital part of our healing process.

6. Counseling – A Lifeline for Healing

Counseling has been a game changer. It gave me the space to process my grief, and the tools to cope and move forward. Through therapy, I’ve learned to lean on my family and friends in healthier ways, and to envision a future despite my loss. It’s so transformative that I’m pursuing my own master’s in counseling to help others navigate their journeys.

7. Giving Myself Grace – Learning to Be Compassionate

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is giving myself grace. I didn’t need to have everything figured out right away, and I didn’t need to always be strong. Grief is messy, and I had to let myself feel it without judgment. I’ve also learned to extend grace to others—they don’t always know the right thing to say, but I don’t have to push them away. Compassion for myself and others has been essential to my healing.

8. God – My Greatest Source of Strength

Ultimately, God is the one who has allowed all of these things and people to be a part of my life. He has orchestrated my journey, equipping me with the strength and support to weather the storms, and showing me glimpses of hope along the way. For me, God has been the ultimate source of strength. Despite my anger and doubts, I know He has placed the right people in my path and poured out His grace to carry me through. He never promised an easy road, but He has walked beside me every step, revealing rainbows through the pain. God has been the anchor that has kept me from being swallowed by sorrow—He is the number one thing that has helped me survive, and He is the one who truly did it all. Without Him, none of this would have been possible.

The On-Going Reason I Have Survived – Taylor Faith

The reason I continue to survive, even through the darkest of days, is Taylor. My daughter, though no longer with me on earth, lives on in my heart—in her smile, her pure heart, her generosity, and the gentleness that defined her. Our bond, unbreakable even by death, is what propels me forward.

I can't leave this earth without knowing that I’ve done everything in my power to make Taylor proud, to honor her life, and to carry her spirit with me every single day. She is the one who made me a mother, and in doing so, she shaped me into the woman I am today—someone who can love deeply and receive love in return. Her smile, the warmth in her eyes, and the memory of her pure heart give me the strength I need when I feel like I have none left. No matter how much pain I carry, she will always be my reason to keep going, to love, to fight, and to live in a way that would make her proud.

A Final Thought – For You and for Others

I know your journey may be different. Maybe my story doesn’t resonate with you at all, and that’s okay. But if it helps even one person know how to support someone else or gives someone struggling the courage to keep going, then sharing it was worth it. What I’ve learned is that grief doesn’t come with a timeline, and healing isn’t a straight line. But by focusing on the good—small as it may seem (rainbows)—allowing grace for myself and others, and holding onto the support that surrounds me, I’ve found the strength to keep moving.

If you find yourself in a place where the friendships, family connections, or work environment around you aren’t helping you heal, it’s okay to make changes. Seek out people who support you, seek therapy if you need it, and don't be afraid to make tough decisions about who and what to allow into your life. Sometimes, in order to heal, we have to create the space for the right support, even if it means reshaping our environment.

I hope this can offer some guidance, whether for you or for someone else in need of hope. You don’t have to do it alone, and it’s okay to make changes in your life that help you move forward. Healing is personal, but it’s possible with the right people and support.