Navigating Grief, Guilt, and the Pressure to Please: My Ongoing Journey with Mental Health

Dealing with my grief has stirred up a lot of guilt—both towards myself and from the expectations I feel from others. Often, these expectations are ones I’ve placed on myself, yet the pressure still feels very real. Our struggles can take many forms: the deep grief of losing a child, family pressures, or the need to fit in. No matter the source, the pressure to be “fine” is often at odds with the reality of what’s happening inside.

I want to share how I’ve been navigating these pressures and what hasn’t worked for me. Trust me, it’s not always easy, and sometimes what’s supposed to help only adds to the weight.

The Weight of Expectations

I grew up learning to put others’ feelings before my own—important for kindness, but it became a habit of putting myself last. After losing my daughter, that tendency intensified. I felt like the world was watching, judging me for something I didn’t choose. I also tried to appear strong, avoiding conversations about Taylor to spare others discomfort. The expectation to be “okay” became a source of shame I carry with me every day, even though it was unrealistic.

The Guilt That Follows

Guilt has become a constant companion: guilt over losing Taylor, guilt for not doing enough, and guilt over not being “there” for others. It’s a vicious cycle of feeling like I’m not enough, no matter how hard I try. For those of us with mental health struggles, it often feels like we’re failing the people we care about just by struggling. But I’ve learned that mental health isn’t a reflection of how much you care—it’s simply part of the human experience. Taking care of it doesn’t mean being perfect or sacrificing yourself for others.

The Struggle of Saying "No"

One of the hardest lessons has been learning to say "no." I hate letting people down, so I’ve often said yes when I didn’t have the energy. But I’ve realized that saying "no" is vital for my mental health. It’s a way to set boundaries and protect my well-being. Saying "no" isn’t selfish; it’s self-respect. And the more I practice it, the freer I feel.

Practical Changes I've Made to Prioritize My Mental Health

I’ve learned that taking care of myself isn’t selfish—it’s essential for being the best version of myself for my loved ones. Here are a few changes I’ve made:

1. Recognizing My Needs: I’ve learned to listen to my emotions and acknowledge when I need space. Whether it’s taking a moment to breathe in my car or calling my husband for a break, stepping back is okay.

2. Giving Myself Compassion: I used to be my harshest critic. Now, I remind myself of my worth with positive affirmations. I treat myself with the same kindness I would offer a friend.

3. Setting Boundaries: I’ve learned to say no when things will drain me emotionally. Avoiding triggers, like certain social events or social media, helps protect my mental health.

4. Being Honest: I no longer hide my struggles. I’ve stopped pretending to be "great" and started saying, "I’m doing okay." It’s freeing to be authentic, even if it feels uncomfortable.

5. Accepting Help: Asking for help used to feel like a burden, but I’ve learned that letting others support me doesn’t make me weak—it makes me human.

   
   

The Journey Continues

These changes aren’t easy, and I’m still learning every day. But the more I practice them, the more I can care for my mental health. It’s a journey, and while I know I’m a work in progress, I also know I’m trying. Some days feel like progress, while others feel like setbacks. The guilt I carry is real, even though it’s often imagined, and it makes healing harder. But I’m slowly learning that I am worth the struggle, and that my mental health deserves the care it needs.